The Things I'll Do For A Bounty
by degeneratebeerwench
Summary: A huge evil prank war has broke out on the Bebop. Spike has to strip to catch the bounty's eye. Not as smutty as it sounds, rated mostly for potty mouths. I was goign ot give up this story, review and tell me if you still want more...;)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Rember, if it's cool, it ain't mine. This includes CB and Chippendale's. Reggie Rylee is a combination of my two dogs names. If anyone out there is named Reggie Rylee, Sorry! 

Faye snuck through the ship gathering items of importance. So far she had the lunkhead's shaving cream, a feather, nail polish, lipstick and a few yards of sturdy string. Peering over her shoulder she edged toward the door. Slipping through the shadows like a wraith she entered the living room.

Her prey was sleeping on the couch, oblivious to the world. He looked so innocent and sweet with a tiny strand of glistening spittle connecting his mouth to the yellow vinyl couch. Faye grinned evilly. This was going to be great. 

"Faye-Faye! What are you doing? Why are you looking at Spike-person like that?" Ed rolled into the room doing somersaults with Ein tagging along. She peered at the items Faye was holding and put two and two together.

"Yay! Are we going to mess with Spike-person? Let Ed help!" Without waiting for permission Ed grabbed the lipstick from Faye's startled grasp. Watching her painting Spike's face with gusto Faye began to chuckle quietly. Let Ed help her. That way when Spike woke up he would have to divide his anger instead of Faye taking the brunt of it. 

While Ed beautified Spike's face Faye began to work on his nails. 

"Spike, Faye, get in here, I have a new bounty!" Jet stormed into the living room and stopped short. There lay his oh-so-manly partner sleeping on the couch. His face was covered in makeup and his fingernails were painted fuchsia. His hair had been braided in to many tiny braids and secured with little plastic barrettes. Around him sat the two girls of the ship. Ed was on the back of the yellow monstrosity. Faye had pulled up a chair beside the couch. Spike's hand was filled with shaving cream. Ed wielded a feather and Faye had control of the shaving cream. From the look of Spikes face this had been going on for some while. He also wore a shaving cream bikini over his suit.

"What in god's name do you two think you are doing?" Jet hissed the question at the girls. "When he gets up he's gonna kill you two!"

"Shhh Jet! We're almost done! Don't wake Afro-Boy up yet!" Faye went back to her work. With a final twitch of the feather and a final jerk of Spike's arm they were finished. Faye pulled out the camera and snapped a few pictures. Mission complete. 

"Wow, Spike-person is so pretty now!" Ed put her face one-inch from Spike's long nose. "SPIKE-PERSON WAKE UP NOW!"

The effect was immensely satisfying for Faye. Spike jumped up like a cat with its tail on fire. He became an awkward sprawled heap on the cold metal floor. 

"What the hell!" Looking down Spike saw what a mess he was. He knew who was responsible for this. "FAYE! ED! You have exactly three seconds to start running before I kill you!"

Ed was already gone and hiding. Faye had taken a moment to snap his picture again and took off like the devil himself was on her tail. In her opinion it was the truth. 

Spike flew up the stairs after Faye. He didn't see the trip wire Faye had rigged on the third step. Spread eagle on the floor he twitched in pain. He was gonna kill that woman someday.

"Are you happy now? You have him sulking again. Great timing, you can't get this bounty with out him." Jet was acting disgusted. Secretly he was laughing on the inside. Spike had looked ridiculous! But he couldn't let the girls know he almost approved of their actions. 

"What do you mean I can't do it with out him? Do you think I'm incompetent?" Green eyes shot sparks of anger at Jet. She dared him to answer affirmatively. 

"Well, whether or not I think that is beside the point, Faye. Ed, show her the info so she'll see why we need Spike for this one." With his arms crossed over his chest Jet looked very smug. 

"Reggie Rylee. Let's see...murder, drug trafficking, black mail, all the fun stuff. Jet, he's worth 25,000,000 wulongs!"

"Yeah, he must've pissed off the wrong people. Keep going it gets better." A face splitting grin was plastered on his face. 

"Last known to hang out at Corey's. Jet, what's so special about Corey's?"

The grin grew, if that was possible. "You don't know what Corey's is? It's a strip club. A strip club for women to see men dance. Ever hear of Chippendale dancers?"

Faye's eyes grew wide as realization dawned. "We need Spike...oh no...you don't mean...HAHAHAHAHA! This is TOO funny!" By this time she was rolling on the ground clutching her stomach. 

"Forget it Jet. I won't do it." Spike had returned. He was wearing his orange boxers and white undershirt. The ruined suit was in the plastic bag he carried. He proceeded to the washing machine and placed his suit inside.

"Spike, its 25,000,000 wulongs! We have no food. No fuel. AND we still have to pay for the damages you and Faye did on the last hunt. Do it or get out." 

"S'ok Spike, think of all the tips you can make at a job like this." Winking one huge emerald orb at him she sauntered off to her room. She had to find an outfit suitable for an exotic male dancer's manager. 

"Dammnit, the things I'll do for free room and board!" Spike stalked to his room in a huff.

This was going to be worth a million prank pictures.

This is just random stuff that came out of my keyboard. I think it's pretty funny though! 

Hehe, everyone does Faye stripper stories. Guess everyone thinks Spike is too cool to get drug into embarrassing situations like this! Review, let me know what you think!


	2. Faye Valentine, I WILL get even with you...

I am so glad everyone is enjoying this so much! It started out as a joke, but maybe I'll even finish it!

Disclaimer: Once more, if it's cool it ain't mine. This includes Spike at the Chippendale club.

"No way. No fucking way. I am NOT wearing that outfit. I am wearing no part of that. Not now, not ever!" An outraged Spike was looking at the tiny pair of briefs Faye held out to him with horror and disgust.   
  
He had finally capitulated and agreed to pose as a male stripper to catch the bounty. Jet had put Faye in charge of costumes.

Faye was wearing one of her smuttiest get ups yet. She was poured into a lime green dress. It was almost frontless and backless as well. The skirt came up so high that there was no way she could sit in it and maintain any decency. Large fake emeralds dangled from her ears and neck. Her hair was stuffed under a bleached blond permed wig. Lime green mid thigh boots and a chain link belt finished the ensemble.

"C'mon Spike. It won't be that bad. Look, there's still a spot for the women to stick their ones in." A wicked smile graced her face. The tiny pair of Speedo's she held out would barely cover everything essential, let alone allow for dollar bills to be stuffed in.

"Faye, I can't go in public wearing that. I won't. Just because you are used to being indecently dressed..." He crossed his arms over his chest. With his lower lip sticking out he personified a petulant child.

"Spike, not that I have any urge to see you wearing that, but if we are going to catch Rylee, you need to be in character. Remember, we can't afford to mess this one up." Jet was trying to reason with Spike.

Spike's head drooped in defeat but his eyes glared vengeance. "I'll get you back for this Faye. Bet your ass on it, I'll get even with you."

With a smirk she tossed the Speedos to him.

"Saddle up cowboy."

Things on the good ship Bebop were quiet that night. Ed was playing with her Tomato. Ein was sleeping next to her. Being Ed's sidekick was an exhausting job.

Jet had retired to his bonsai room. The little trees kept him busy for hours, scrutinizing exactly where to cut exactly the right branch. If he wasn't reminded, he even forgot to cook for them at times. That was almost a national disaster.

Faye relaxed under the hot stream of water emitted by the shower head. The Lunkhead was missing and she had the bathroom to her self. As an added bonus, there was even hot water - lots of hot water.

The room filled with fragrant steam. She could barely see three inches in front of her face. She didn't notice when the door crept open a few inches and a slender figure slipped in. He paused for a moment to do something to the door then silently glided to the toilet. Reaching for the handle he grinned evilly. He would get her back now.

WOOSH! "EEEEKKK! OH MY GOD HOT!" WOOSH "TOO COLD, TOO COLD!" Spike grinned again and hit the handle once more. Faye's shrieks echoed through the ship. Her water kept alternating between scalding hot and ice cold. She was huddled in the back of the shower avoiding the water.

"Spike, I will KILL you! You better run, cuz I'm coming out!" With that, she leapt through the water, freezing cold at this time. Launching herself on to the figure, she began to pummel him around the head and shoulders.

He threw his forearms up as a shield. "Get off! You crazy psycho! Get off me!"

Faye was incensed. "You rotten, dirty bastard! How DARE you ruin my shower! I'm gonna-" Suddenly she realized what she was doing. Bare-ass naked and dripping wet she was straddling Spike and beating him about the head. She pulled back and made to jump off him when hands around her waist flipped her around. Now HE was straddling HER.

His smile was smug. "What are you going to do to me Faye? I really would like to know."

"Get off me asshole."

"Oh, does someone not like a taste of her own medicine?"

She glared daggers at Spike. He prudently decided enough was enough and jumped off, carefully stepping through the door to the hallway. "One point for me" She heard him mutter under his breath as he sauntered away.

Faye was swearing vehemently under her breath as she struggled into her robe. Preparing to stalk off in a huff she stomped through the door. A bucket of grape jelly fell onto her head.

"SPIKE!"

He came flying out of his hiding spot, camera flashing. "Two points for me! Wohoo!"

Faye gave chase, shedding bits of jelly down the hall.

The front entrance to the club was crowded. Spike took one look at the crowd and tried to bolt.

"I really have to go through with this Faye? Can't we just tell Jet we missed the bounty? I'll even pay you to lie on this one. Lying comes natural to you. C'mon. Please?" Desperately he begged Faye to let him out of this mess.

"Hell no. No money could buy the enjoyment your mortification will bring me. Especially after the jelly stunt you pulled." It was so gratifying to see the Lunkhead sweat. She was still mad at him for that one.

"I heard that Spike. Next time make sure your com link is off when you try to bribe Faye." Jets voice was gruff and angry. He was the one always bitching about no meat on the Bebop. Now there was a chance to get a decent bounty and he tried to reneg? Though the jelly stunt _was_ a good prank.

"C'mon cowboy. We'll sneak in the back." looping her arm through his, she drug him around the side of the building.

Heehee, they are sneaking in the back door. Will Spike actually do it? Um...Yeah! Cuz I'm the author and I said so! How will Faye react to seeing other women groping her cowboy? hehe! Review and find out!


	3. Spike's Teehee LITTLE Secret

Disclaimer: If it's cool, it ain't mine. If you don't think it belongs to me, it prolly doesn't.

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"Excuse me, Sweetheart, where do you think you're going?" Long hot pink nails on her arm stopped her. Faye wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman stopping them. Dressed in a leopard spandex jumpsuit, the form was frightening to say the least. Platinum bottle blond hair formed a teased masterpiece above a low sloping forehead. Though the makeup was expertly applied and plentiful, it didn't hide the coarser features of a man. Add the black spike heels, and Faye was pretty sure she was looking at a cross dresser.

Putting on her best smile, Faye popped her bubble gum and strolled over. Assuming the role of tacky airhead she twirled a lock of the blond wig around her index finger. "Who do I see to put a new guy in the show?" Another bubble snapped.

"Honey, even in this place you won't pass for a man. What I wouldn't give for a body like yours." Wistfully the man looked her up and down. It unnerved Faye to be looked at in envy by a man instead of the usual lust.

Outraged Faye stomped her foot, making her dress hang to her body precariously. "Uh, like, not ME, I meant HIM!" Another bubble gum snap punctuated her thumb over her shoulder jerking in Spike's direction.

The cross dresser's eyes widened in appreciation. "You mean that delectable piece of man meat sneaking away? Oh baby, come to mama!" Lascivious winks followed this outburst. "Honey, if you can get him in here, _I'll _pay_ you! _We don't get em that good looking here very often! Hey sweetie! Come sit on mama's lap!"

Spike slunk even quicker in the direction of the star ships.

"You'll pay me? Just a moment. I'll be right back." The sweet smile vanished from her lips as she turned. It was awesome seeing the Great Spike Speigel taken down a few notches, but not when he kept running out on her!

Catching up she grasped his arm above the elbow and almost let go in shock. She never realized Spike's lanky body had such muscles on it. Every time she had seen him with out his shirt he was always covered in bandages.

Returning back to the present, Faye called his name.

"What do you think you're doing? Did you forget about the bounty? Spike, we need that money! Remember how you blew up that whole block chasing that last guy?" She hissed at him under her breath. She was also thinking of the extra money that she would pocket if he really would dance. The man was right; you didn't see them as handsome as Spike very often.

Spike was adamant. "Forget it Faye. There are too many weirdoes here for my taste. Did you see that way that one was looking at me? Did you hear what he said? I feel like I'm on Calisto again! The only thing is, I'm not allowed to shoot any of these freaks!" He was yelling now.

"Shhh, Spike!" Realizing that she was getting nowhere, Faye decided to switch tactics.

"Spike, I'm sorry, why didn't you just tell us from the beginning? It's nothing to be ashamed of." She laid a comforting hand on his arm. "_Lots_ of men are lacking in that area...though we didn't think _you_ were." An innocent look was displayed on Faye's beautiful face. "I understand, and I'm sure Jet would too. Not everyone can be...well..._well endowed_." Faye's face assumed a shocked look. She decided to pound the final nail in the coffin. "No wonder you hated those little red Speedos so much. They would have shown your little," Faye hid a snicker behind her hand here "secret!"

He yanked his arm away from her hand with a low growl. His eyes were narrow in a cold hard face. **_"Ashamed? Lacking _**in some areas? Screw you Faye." Spike spun on his heel. His manly pride had been wounded here. It was time to prove the shrew woman wrong.

Bravely, he strode back to the leering leopard-clad man. It was time to Cowboy Up.

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Jet was dying laughing. He knew Faye was evil, but he never guessed it extended to the reaches he heard today. "Way to go Faye! Only a woman would be evil enough to pull that line! Insult his male ego!"

Faye smirked. She could be very manipulative when she wanted to be. "Yeah, wonderful Jet." Her voice was dry. "Now tell me where Rylee is supposed to be. I want to be in position to watch Spike make a fool out of himself and to catch the bounty. It's been awhile since I've visited my ponies."

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The dimly lit smoky lounge was filled with women. Very few men were present, making it that much easier to spot the bounty. She looked at the picture Ed sent over her COM. It showed an older man with craggy features. His dark skin was complimented by darker hair. In the corner sat a distinguished looking man who fit the picture perfectly. He was brushing crumbs off the lapel of his charcoal colored suit. _Well, he looks normal enough but that bounty is calling my name._

"Hey Jet, do you know _why_ this guy likes to watch other guys' strip?" Faye was scanning the room as she whispered. Seeing a vacant seat near the bar she wove through the crowd.

"Yeah, because he's gay. Next dumb question Faye?" The voice over the COM was sarcastic. Of all people, Faye should have guessed that reason.

"Go to hell Jet."

She signaled to the bartender for a martini, dry. Sliding an olive into her mouth she watched the stage with one eye and Rylee with the other. The men on the stage were good looking, but nothing to brag about. After a while you can only look at so many classically handsome men with amazing bodies before they all began to look alike.

As the last one pranced off stage mostly naked Faye let out a sigh. _This would be more fun if I had a larger expense account for this bounty. I wonder how Spike is doing with the cross dresser in back...I'll bet he loves Spike's outfit!_

The stage went dark, catching Faye's eye. The music changed. While the other men had danced to rock songs, the distinctive twang of a guitar rang out. Country music was trickling from the speakers, getting louder with every beat. A spotlight shone on center stage as strobe lights flashed around the room.

Standing in the light was a tall lanky cowboy.

Things were about to get interesting.

Faye got her Glock and camera ready.

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Yes, he really is going to do it! Hope you all are enjoying it!

If you are familiar with country music, I'm taking suggestions for what song he should strip to!

Review and let me know!


	4. Is he really gonna do it?

Hello everyone! Thank you to all of my reviewers, this seems to be my most popular story yet!

Sorry about the long update ...things have been pretty hectic. Without further ado...Spike stripping!

Disclaimer: How many times do we have to go through this? If it's cool, it aint' mine. This includes Bebop and Dolly Parton and the song Why'd ya come in here Looking like that .

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Spike was wearing just what she had picked out for him. Snug black and white cowhide chaps hugged his legs. Blue wranglers that were so tight they appeared painted on clung to his ass. Black leather holsters rode low on his hips and housed two six shooters. They appeared to be part of the costume, but Faye knew better. A crisp black button up conformed to his torso, top few buttons undone.

He stood motionless in the spotlight with both thumbs casually hooked over the top of the chaps. With his chin resting on his chest and the brim of his black felt hat pulled low hiding his profile except for his strong jaw, he was the perfect mystery man. Only tufts of fuzzy green hair sticking out on the sides gave him away as the cowboy Faye knew and loved.

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Shit, where did that thought come from? Shaken, Faye gulped her drink and shuddered. _Bad thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Money. Money is good. Think about money._

With this mantra running through her head, Faye glanced at Rylee. Nausea overcame her as she saw the lustful look on his face. How dare he look at Spike that way! The man was showing the first signs of interest all night.

Music swelled louder till the strains of "Why'd Ya Come in Here Lookin' Like That" filled the room. As Dolly Parton began to wail the lyrics, Spike began to move.

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How dare she insult Little Spikey! The cowboy was fuming. Not only did the Shrew find this stunt amusing; she had actually talked him into going through with it. Cautiously, he glanced down as he fiddled with his fly. _Nope, nothing to be ashamed of there!_ He smirked to himself.

"Are ya sure ya don't need any help with that?" The spandex clad man was leering openly now. "Let me help you. Those zippers can be tricky, sweetheart-" Spike's horror grew as he reached for his crotch area, honestly intending to "help" him with his fly.

"Back off man! I've been getting dressed on my own for years; I don't need help now!" He turned away to fix the zipper, cursing Faye the whole time.

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I can't believe I'm really doing this. Please don't let there be anyone I know out there! Offering a silent prayer to whoever was up there to listen, Spike observed his surroundings. There were three emergency exits to his back and two stage entrances. Important things to note, since all his exits when chasing bounties seemed to be emergencies.

The cross dresser was beckoning to him. "Oh yoo-hoo! Beautiful piece of man meat! You're up! Don't forget to come back to papa when you're done!" Spike shuddered as he saw the fluttering fingers and kissy faces. At this point he couldn't get onstage fast enough!

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Why'd you come in here lookin' like that  
In your cowboy boots and your painted-on jeans  
All decked out like a cowgirl's dream  
Why'd you come in here looking like that

Who the hell picked this music? Adding one more thing to get even with Faye for, Spike lifted his head to scan the crowd. His spirits lifted as he realized the crowd was mostly women.

Here comes my baby  
Draggin' my heart behind  
He's drivin' me crazy  
Who says love is blind  
He's got a wanderin' eye and a travelin' mind  
Big ideas and a little behind

The women began to ooh and ahh. Spike saw a tall brunette waving a handful of cash. _Hell, I may as well get something out of this_. He began to work the crowd. By now his shirt was totally unbuttoned but still tucked in. A fine sheen of sweat covered his skin, making it shine in the light. Passing a group of women, he looked directly at them and tipped his hat. Three of the five women swooned.

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Why'd you come in here lookin' like that  
In your high heeled boots and your painted-on jeans  
All decked out like a cowgirl's dream  
Waltzing right in here lookin' like that  
Why'd you come in here lookin' like that  
When you could stop traffic in a gunney sack  
Why you're almost givin' me a heart attack  
When you waltz right in here lookin' like that  
  
The brunette made her way through to crowd. Spike still didn't see Faye or the bounty, so he kept dancing. Warm soft hands slipped inside his shirt un-tucking it. With a shrug of his shoulders and helping hands, Spike became topless. The crowd squealed their appreciation.

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Maybe this isn't so bad after all...Spike thought as he felt money being stuffed into his waistband.

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Faye tossed back the rest of her drink. Who knew the cool and aloof Spike Speigel could dance like that? She watched his body weave and flow, like cool flowing liquid. Yes, the man could definitely move. _I wonder just how far he'll go?_

The scene in the corner was making her sick. Not only did Spike appear to be _enjoying_ himself, after she had planned the perfect humiliation, but Rylee appeared to be _really_ enjoying himself. _How _dare_ he look at Spike that way? It was bad enough every woman in the room was drooling over him..._

"Faye. FAYE. Is he really doing it?" Jet's voice was disbelieving.

"Yes. Want to see?" Faye was teasing Jet.

"No, that's quite alright. Just get the bounty, and don't break anything this time."

"Aye aye cap'n." Faye cut the link before Jet could retort back.

The crowd was getting louder. Lifting her head to see what Spike was doing now, she came face to face with him. He was holding out a hand while still moving to the music. "Wanna dance?"

Blushing furiously, Faye took the offered hand, not knowing what to expect. Spike wrapped her arms around his neck and his own around her waist, pulling her close.

Why'd you come in here lookin' like that  
In your high heeled boots and your painted-on jeans  
All decked out like a cowgirl's dream  
Why's you come in here lookin' like that

Up close Faye could see all the silvery patches covering Spike's torso. _I never knew he was so scarred up._ Beads of sweat dripped from his long nose and hair tips. She heard catty comments from the ohter women as her and Spike's bodies began to move in synch.

"What a slut."

"Cheap floozy."

"Where did she get that dress, the children's department?"

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Jealous bitches, Faye thought. She jolted as she felt Spikes hands slide up her thighs. "Hey cowboy, what are you-"

That was when her dress fell to the floor, ripped from her body, leaving her covered only by her tiny pink bra and thong. Before she could take a swing at the Lunkhead, he was laughing and making his way to the corner where the bounty watched, mesmerized by his every move.

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	5. Shrinky Dink

I'm so sorry it's been so long...I mean like months since I have updated any of my stories. My computer was on the fritze...actually, it was good and dead. Really dead. Deader than dead. I also had writers block for this story. I kinda wrote myself into a corner so to speak. Also, I no longer have the use of a spell checker, so I apologize for any misspellings.

Also, I was reading some other fics and came across one that echoed this one pretty close. Close enough that I was pretty upset. Like the only things that were changed were that in my fic Spike would say something and in the other one it was Faye saying it. I was kinda upset so had lost motivation. I also stopped reading that fic so that i didn't accidentally put anything in mine that they thought of.

WIthout further ado, the story.

Oh yeah. I don't own shit.

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"You fucking bastard! You're lucky I don't shoot you right now! How could you do that!" Faye was screaming at Spike for all she was worth. Her face still flamed in memory of having her dress ripped away in the crowded club. Not that she had anything to be ashamed of, she was hot and she knew it. But that the act was designed to humiliate her stung just a bit. Never mind the fact that Spikes hands running up her legs had turned her on ...

"You sure seemed to be enjoying yourself. It's what you get for making me wear that stupid outfit, and leaving me with that freak backstage. For christs sake, it tried to help me with my fly!" At Spike's horrified tone Faye had to smirk.

"I'll have you know that that freak paid me the two thousand wulongs we used to put fuel in our ships. We had a deal that he would pay me if you got on stage." The smug smile could be seen across the hangar.

Disbelief was plastered to his face. "Two thousand? I'm only worth two thousand wulongs?"

"No, I only told you about two thousand. The rest is going on the ponies."

Jet sighed as he heard the bickering from the hanger. They had been going at it over the radio the whole way back to the Bebop. "While you two kids were busy trying to one up each other with pranks and humiliating situations, did either of you even think of sticking to the plan and catching the bounty? I didn't think-"

Jet was cut off by a bar coaster flying through the air to his hand.

"Name, number and hotel room Jet. Apearantly our Mr. Rylee has a think for sexy cowboys...which I do think I made a pretty good one." He cast a lop-sided smirk in Jet's direction. "I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow night." He strode from the room, intent on a hot shower and a nap before a lovely dinner of bell peppers. His stomach cramped at the thought. Maybe he would take some of the wulongs he had stuffed down his briefs and go to Wackdonalds...

Faye caught up with him in the hallway. "How'd ya get that information Spike? Flirt with him? Give him a private show? Never knew you swung that way." Faye's voice was scathing as she delivered the nasty comment.

Spike truned and trapped Faye against the wall with an arm on either side of her."Jealous my little floozy? I never would have thought it of you Faye." The shower could wait. Fighting with Faye suddenly became more interesting.

His low gravelly voice and the closeness of his body made her weak in the knees, but damned if she would let him know that . She snorted. "Over you? Hardly."

"Sure sounds that way." Without another word he turned away and headed to the ships sole bathroom.

"Wait a minute Lunkhead, I'm not done with you!" Suddenly Faye's demeanor changed. "Oh Spike? I hope you didn't plan on sleeping any time soon."

The seductive note in her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. He glared at her through narrowed eyes over his shoulder. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Every sense was on alert for danger; pissed Faye was bad but seductive Faye was deadly.

She stepped close to him, so close that they were sharing the same air. She could feel the heat of his body radiating out in waves as she simpered into his brown eyes. The weak knees had returned.

All Spike could think about was how great she had looked after he ripped her dress off and now she was just about plastered to him. The sensation of drowning in a grassy field took hold as he gazed into her eyes.

"Payback's a bitch you asshole." Sparks flew from her eyes as she spun on her heel and stomped into the bathroom before he could beat her to the door.

"You're just jealous I made more money than you did!"

_Payback my ass. I'll get you yet Valentine. Wait and see._

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"Shush, he'll hear us and wake up!" Ed and Faye were in the hangar looking at the Swordfish II. Taking Faye's warning to heart, Spike had decided the only place safe for him to nap was in his locked ship. There was no way Faye could do anything to him there. Or so he thought.

A young girls giggle again broke the quiet surrounding the ships. "ED!" Faye hissed. "Here, take this roll and I'll start with this one. Make sure you cover his doors completely but leave a bit of an opening on his window." The girls dispatched to begin their dirty work. Slowly yet surely, the dusty pink exterior of the Swordfish took on a shiny patina. Then it began to turn white. When they were finished the swordfish resembled a fragile pink butterfly struggling free of its chrysalys. Chuckling at this thought, Faye climbed up and tapped on the window. Finally Spike woke up.

The first thing he saw was the shrew woman sitting on his hood holding his hidden carton of cigarettes - except they weren't hidden anymore and she was smoking them. "Faye, I'm gonna kick your ass!" pushing the eject button he prepared to launch himself from the ship. Unfortunately his pod didn't open and he ended up impersonating a fly on the windshield, which only made Faye laugh harder.

"Oh Spike, you look so funny!" Faye was laughing so hard and clutching her sides that she almost fell off the nose of the Swordfish. The evil faces Spike was making at her only added to her mirth. "Poor little Spikey can't get out of his big fancy ship. That's too bad. But I know how much you love your baby. Toodles!" With a cute little wave she hopped to the hangar floor and strode to the door still smoking her cigarette. One last look over her shoulder at the man throwing her vile gestures, one final laugh, and she walked out.

"Oooh, Spike-person, how are you going to get out of there?" Ed had her face pressed hard to the glass, as if she were looking for a secret door Spike could exit by. Just then Ein walked past catching her attention. "EIN!" Ed departed the hangar as well, toting her favorite canine with her.

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"Stupid Shrew woman! This is low. This is beyond low. The jelly incident doesn't even come close to beating this one." Grumbling to himself he lit a bent cigarette and considered his options. He could fly somewhere to get himself cut out. Doohan would do it...AND give him a three hour lecture about taking care of his ship. Besides, the embarrassment would kill him. Scratch that idea. He could wait for Jet to happen to wander in, but that could take hours. Ed was a lost cause. She had helped shrinkwrap his ship. Oh was he going to get even. He could already see her lovely Tomato smashed to bits emitting sputtering electric shocks with Faye's favorite white boots next to it functioning as Ein's new chew toys. The thought was comforting. Chuckling evilly and plotting revenge, he lit another cigarette.

_"Spike, are you there?" _The tinny voice of salvation came from his back pocket.

"Well, I'm here, but I'm kinda out of commission Jet." Thank god he had his comm with him.

"What do you mean 'out of commission?' It looks like you're sitting in your ship." Jet was confused.

"Well, it's kind of an embarrassing story...see, Faye is still pissed at me so I was sleeping here - for safety's sake. God knows what that woman will do when she's pissed. Unfortunately, she and Ed shrinkwrapped me into my ship."Ignoring Jet's disbelieving look Spike took another drag from his crooked cigarette.

"Wanna come cut me out?"

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"Spike, you and Faye have to call a truce. This is getting ridiculus. What if I had an emergency and you couldn't help because you were..." here Jet paused to snigger into his hand. "Shrinkwrapped into your own ship?" He began carefully applying the box cutter to the seams of Spike's pod.

"Go ahead. Laugh again. See what it gets you." Spike was not amused.

"Are you ready for your date tomorrow night?" Now Jet was openly giggling.

"Eat shit Jet." Tomorrow night was the furthest thing from Spike's mind. Pranks on him were one thing. Pranks involving his baby were another thing. He was going to get even.

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I know, the fun part of Spike being the stripper is over...but the prank war continues! Please review if you want more. Like I said, I was going to give this one up. Let me know if you want more!


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